Fade
by Starisia the Shadow Demon
Summary: My mind is slipping now, being dragged into the abyss that awaits my true soul, but I can see that he means what he says. He's willing to leave Kanda alone, he's willing to let him live on and all I have to do is surrender. For Yullen Week. Character Deah


**A/N: Entry six of Yullen Week :P. For the record this one kinda happened on accident and I am SO not happy with it. I was trying to write a Fic for the song 'Breathe No More' by Evanescence-for those of you who don't know I have a series of Yullen songfics and I typically write them when I get bored and have writers block-or I just can't sleep so I type them up on my cell. Well I was going to post this with those but then the ending started running rampant and it lost its balance with the song so I made it into a one-shot instead and it kinda fit for Last Stand so here it is. **

**Theme: Last Stand**

**Beta Reader: Kirkland**

**Disclaimer: Yeah, if I owned DGM do you really think Allen would still be **_**alive**_** at this point?**

**Warning: I'm really not sure what to call what I did here but let's go with Character Death.**

**S2 S2 S2 S2 S2**

How long? How long have I been forced to endure this existence of constant fear, wondering each day if this would be my last, if this was the day I was finally going to be swallowed up and overcome by the Noah? I can't remember a time when there was no mass of writhing shadow standing within my reflection, a time when I was truly certain of who I was. I wonder, vaguely, was it around the time my beloved's blade pierced me or was it when my own did that I started to doubt who I was? Or was I ever sure of who I was before then?

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure of anything anymore, not even my own reflection in the broken mirror.

It's gotten to the point where I'm starting to wonder if that horrid mass of shadow that stands behind my pale form is really the Noah or if it's my soul, nothing but twisted darkness as horrid as the most wretched akuma's soul, a manifestation of my confusion and pain.

I feel as though I'm breaking, slowly but surely, like my soul is being ripped to shreds by the shattered shards of the 'me' that once thrived, the 'me' I try so hard to pretend still exists, but I know it's futile. I know that I'll be devoured, that I'm slowly bleeding out of existence, losing my heart and soul to the darkness of the Noah clan.

My faith is slipping away, slowly, oh so slowly, I feel it abandoning me. Komui once said he believed I was one most loved by God, but if that were true then why was this happening? I want someone to tell me that this isn't happening, that I'm just dreaming-or that I'm sick and this is just some hallucination my mind has put together to keep itself busy, but I know they won't. A hallucination or dream would have to make some sense to the on imagining it and I'd like to think my mind isn't so messed up as to torture me to keep itself busy.

Kanda's been slipping farther and farther away from me as well, deeper into the cold recesses of his heart which only serves to make fighting harder.

I know I'll fade completely this time even before the pain comes, I know, even before I feel my final thread of consciousness start to vanish, that my end is near.

That's when I decide to leave, my master's words echoing in my mind. I won't do it. This may be _my_ last stand against the Noah that resides within me, but I will not allow it to kill my lover or my friends-I just won't.

I open the arks gate and run through before shattering it behind me. It takes everything I have to focus as my consciousness begins to fade more and more, another starting to take hold of this body of mine.

I manage to escape, to get far away from the order before I fall to my knees a small sad smile coming to my lips as a single tear slides down my cheek.

My thoughts stray, finding their way to my beloved Yuu, fear gripping my heart, wrapping it in a chilling embrace as cold as glacier ice.

'_I won't hurt him,_' a voice says in my mind and I can almost see the Noah smile at me, _'As a thank you for your body I'll allow your lover to live. I won't lay a finger on him. You have my word.'_

I wonder if my 'uncle' truly means what he says. I can't feel any deceit or see any in his eyes as his image appears before me, though I know it's just him playing with my mind to make himself visible in my eyes. I simply look up, meeting his golden gaze with tired silver eyes.

My mind is slipping now, being dragged into the abyss that awaits my true soul, but I can see that he means what he says. He's willing to leave Kanda alone, he's willing to let him live on and all I have to do... is surrender.

With that thought in mind I sigh and close my eyes allowing myself to fade, to bleed away completely.

I take one final breath as myself, the final thing I can do as a new strength enters my limbs-a strength that isn't mine.

'_I love you, Yuu,_' I think, summoning his memory, another tear escaping as my consciousness is completely swallowed by the darkness and I breathe no more.

**S2 S2 S2 S2 S2**

**A/N: And there it is. I guess the title fits for once. Yeah, really not happy with it-in fact, I think I hate it. For the record I have part of a fight written up that I'm going to try and finish so I can post it under this theme as well, but not so sure when I'll finish-hopefully it'll be done in time. If not I'll post it as soon as it gets done. I'm thinking about doing a multi chapter fic like this where Kanda is trying to get him back but I'm not so sure. I'm still pretty iffy on the idea, but I'd love to hear your opinions on whether or not I should do it sometime in the future.**

**Even if I hate this one I still thank you for taking the time to read it and I hope you enjoyed at the very least. _PLEASE REVIEW!_ It might make me feel better about posting this one…**


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